Vital Signs of Fatherhood
When Faith Feels Like a Fatherhood Failure
Jesus isn’t another area to fail in. He’s the source that feeds everything else.
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Your marriage feels shaky. Your finances feel unstable. Your integrity feels fragile. Your friendships feel shallow.
So you turn to Jesus for help and suddenly faith becomes one more area where you’re falling short.
One more arena to figure out. One more hill to take. One more grade to earn. But that’s the entire misunderstanding. Jesus doesn’t want lordship over your life so you can become a better dad. He wants lordship over your life because he loves you. You’re already his. He’s not waiting for you to get it together. He’s the hub, the fountain, the source of the security you’ve been grinding to achieve in every other arena of life.
You don’t come to him to perform. You come to receive what he’s already pouring out.
Respond
What insecurities of fatherhood and life are you trying to conquer on your own that Jesus is inviting you to hand over?
Session 1
Why It's Harder Than It Should Be
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Session 2
A Generation of Underfathered Fathers
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Session 3
When Faith Feels Like a Fatherhood Failure
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Session 4
Dedicating The Time Dads Do Not Have
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Session 5
The Systematic Reset
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Session 6
From Surviving Fatherhood to Shaping a Legacy
Coming Soon
Feeling like I am not enough or don’t have what it takes to be a good father to my six children. When I feel angry or isolated etc. I can take it out on them, rather than processing my emotions well.
I want Jesus to be the centr of my life, my well and foundation, for everything to flow out of His love for me.
With an absent dad growing up I sometimes wonder what’s worse. An absent dad or a crappy dad. Fast forward to now, I’m a father so I have a blank slate which is a blessing and a curse. I’m not trying to break any habits but I don’t really have any substantive example to rely on. I can speak in generalities about good and bad and know that there’s no “perfect” way to fatherhood but there are certainly best practices.
I just finished paramedic school and after I take my national I plan to finish a book Seth recommended “Strong Father’s, Strong Daughters” its been great so far but I need to focus on my test.
But without a doubt I’m insecure in who I am as a man and father. I know there’s grace but I’m scared of being a fraud or failure. What I’ve just been trying to do is be a good husband for my wife and a solid example in the house when I’m home.
It therefore becomes almost easy or default to fall back on “try harder” but is that idolatry of my works? Over-estimating the value of my efforts or is that just the meaningful work of Fatherhood. Early in my Christian walk I accidentally fell into antinomianism “hyper-grace” where i thought my actions didn’t matter but that pendulum is far from the truth. So where does that pendulum need to be?
I suppose it’s why I gravitate to communities and men’s groups to “see” fathers and men in action?
Im know in my head that Im secure in Christ but my heart does not always feel that way. I’m want my foundation to be Christ but when things get shaky I try to stand on my own foundation which leads to even more insecurities.
I would say my biggest insecurity as a father would be failure. Failing to be enough as a provider, being a support system, and a well of love towards my home.
My biggest struggle or insecurity right now is the feeling that I have to have it all figured out. I read a quote today (funny timing) that said “Imposter syndrome says ‘I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s only a matter of time until everyone finds out.’ Growth mindset says ‘I don’t know what I’m doing yet. It’s only a matter of time until I figure it out.'”
It’s a trust in the fact that weakness is okay.
I don’t know how to answer that question. I just know that I want to do better. Instead of seeing my children as a blessing from the Lord I’m annoyed with them more often than not especially as they have gotten older. I’m disappointed in them and then I get disappointed in myself for being disappointed in them because I know that God doesn’t treat me that way… Their consistent disobedience really grinds my gears. Again its not lost on me how consistently disobedient I am myself but as a parent I feel like I’m not making any forward progress, like I’m going insane because the same circumstances play out over and over and over and over again with little to no improvement.
The insecurity of having it all figured out and stable ”right now” rather than being patient and wise with the small things he has given me. I’m noticing that when things aren’t going “my way” that God allows it and I need to trust that His discipline is for my good and the good of my family as we become more like Christ.
First one that comes to mind for me is financial. Grew up having financial issues at home and in my life today I tend to have a scarcity mindset. I catch myself thinking I need to work harder/ do better to make sure money keeps coming in. I understand that all the financial blessings come from the Lord so I need to stop holding onto it so much since none of it comes from me or the work I have done.
Another one is friendships. Not talking about other couples we hangout with but true guy to guy friends. I’m 28 with a 2 year old and another one due in March and feel like it’s just so hard to maintain old relationships or start new ones due to time. Need to hand that over to the lord and pray that ultimately he is enough and remind myself that it’s just a season. true friends stay friends even if you can’t see them all the time.
There’s just this overwhelming, all-areas-manifesting experience of not being enough for people. My insecurity keeps me from showing up in places where my wife, my children, my church need me; I feel like I’m not enough, so I hesitate to show up and risk confirming that fear, but then I can fail to show up and feel like a failure anyway. I hate the tension.
I sometimes struggle with remembering to extend to others, and especially to my wife the same grace that has been extended to me. I need to remember how much I need God’s grace and to take a moment to remember that before I ever open my mouth to respond to something that upsets me. Lord, give me grace to do that.
I think for me I struggle with indecisiveness the most, “ Am I doing enough or am I trying to do too much.” Instead I need to pray more and be strengthened by Gods word. How do I lead by example and pursue God in faithfulness and let that cup overflow into my house. The most clear thing is that I am not strong enough to do it on my own and all I can express is gratefulness for Gods grace.
The biggest part is anger. The stupidest things make me angry. I believe it is the lack of control. Mainly, I am not willing to have GOD Take the control. Where can I go to change this? I know I have to take part, but not able to really let go. I want to let go, but I guess I feel as though I am a bystander and that isn’t what I want. We have to do the work, but what is the acceptable portion? I am praying for GOD to give me strength and wisdom in creating a environment that is without anger.